Supernatural Alphabet
by LeahxLeah
Summary: From A-Z, collections of somewhat drabbles set in season five and mid season six, with a mix between comedy and Destiel. Slash and preslash.
1. Absolute

_Hello, Supernatural fandom. I venture here from the previous universe of the show Sherlock, having tested your waters and liking the temperature._

_Please leave me a review to tell me if everyone is OOC, if my comedy is crap, or if you want me to go home. :)_

_If there's stuff you like, feel free to talk about that, too. :D_

**Supernatural Letters of the Alphabet**

**A is for Absolutely**

Dean couldn't be sure about much in his life—often things fluctuated frequently, but never in a good way.

Just when he thought he could put hell behind him, he found out angels existed. Once he'd gotten Sam off of demon blood, Lucifer walked the earth. When they'd finally put him back, Sam had returned from hell without a soul.

No, nothing was stable in his work, save for the companionship of the Impala and the comforting smell of his leather jacket. At one point he'd thought Sammy had been, but that didn't last long in terms of the time they'd spent on the road. Maybe the first few months after he'd "liberated" Sam from Stanford, but after that the roller coaster started.

The mention of roller coasters brought his mind back to his current situation—the haunting of one of the largest theme parks in America. Dean had thought it impossible that a place as large as this one could've possibly held on to a spirit, considering most of the people here had only drifted in and out of its gates after a few hours.

"Why would anyone want to haunt a _theme park_?" asked Sam, his voice filled with disbelief. He started counting off things he didn't like about the place. "There's vomit next to every nauseating ride, clowns, screaming children, recently released convicts, clowns—"

"Sam, are you aware you repeated clown?" asked Castiel, his voice monotone and coarse. Dean grinned at the angel, patting him slightly on the back.

"Trust me Cas, if he had the chance, he would've said it three times."

Cas tilted his head, looking through Dean with eyes so blue that they occasionally made Dean wonder if that was what the oceans had looked like at the dawn of time. Cas continued speaking despite Dean's distracted gaze, looking up at the arching beams of steel and wood that formed the structures that marred against the sky.

"Why do humans use these contraptions, Dean? What is their purpose?" he asked, tucking his hands into the large pockets of his trench coat. Several parents nearby had ushered their kids away from the suspicious looking man with a distant expression on his face.

A nearby mother scowled at Dean, clearly condoning him for what she considered "bad company". It wouldn't have bothered him on any other day, but this chick was kind of hot, and he didn't want to be remembered at the creepy guy's friend, even if he never saw her again.

"He's not a pedophile, I swear!" he called out to her, realising too late that the volume of his voice and the distance between the two of him meant everyone in between them could hear what he shouted.

To prove this, twenty people turned to give him alarmed looks. He let out an awkward smile and laugh, which fell flat and faded from his lips. "Uh, hi," he directed to the crowd. He thought of all the things he could say to make them leave him alone. Quickly he made a mental list of his options:

He could…

Ask where the washroom was and hope never to see any of them again,

Point at Sam and shout, "Look, a giant!"

Walk away and pretend the entire thing never happened,

Tell the truth, which was along the lines of, "Actually, he's an angel on the run from heaven here with us to kill a ghost."

Or he could pull a line from his Dean Winchester handbook of good excuses.

"Sorry about that," he tells them, smiling casually. "Actually, he's a roller coaster inspector. Here to keep you safe, really."

Sam nods enthusiastically, and Cas continues staring up at the hunks of metal towering in the distance, completely unaware to the situation he's indirectly caused. His lips are open slightly, revealing a line of thin white teeth, and his forehead is scrunched in slight wonderment. The expression makes a real smile twitch at the corner of Dean's lips.

As soon as the majority of the crowd drifted off, Sam gave Dean a look that clearly read, _you're a total idiot. _

Dean gave his brother a shit-eating grin, and Castiel intercepted their silence.

"I believe I understand the use of these machines, now. They are used to create pleasure, just like in the television program." He was nodding to himself, happy that he'd established they had a purpose.

"TV show?" asked Sam, "What TV show, Cas?"

Dean grinned. "I think he's talking about the porn."

Sam flushed vehemently. "No, no, Cas, not _that kind_ of pleasure!"

Cas tilts his head, glancing from Sam to Dean and back. "They were screaming, but not afraid, and…"

Sam looks a little sick, while Dean tilts back his head and laughs. "Please, whatever you do, promise me you'll never change, Cas," he says between wheezes, his face stretched widely with his smile.

"If I do, I'll change back eventually," he states, his eyes bright as he looks at Dean.

"Promise?" Dean asked, looking the happiest he had been since before his dad died.

"Absolutely."

OoOoO

_Well, there you have it folks, my first alphabet letter. The other ones will be shorter, but I wanted an icebreaker with some optimism for season seven. Future chapters will have more slash flavouring for the main course of Destiel. _

_Worth a review? Maybe even two?_


	2. Balthazar

**B is for Balthazar**

Unlike most of his fellow angels, Balthazar was actually quite a fan of human pop culture. He liked television, particularly shows such as, "UFO Hunting: True Footage Revealed", where he could sit with a grin plastered on his face in front of the TV and occasionally interject a comment along the lines of, "Oh! Oh! There I am! There I am!"

He could find endless hours of entertainment from this particular media source, but as much as he enjoyed these programs, he preferred funny cat videos.

One day, he spent an hour choking on what was an almost unhealthy amount of laughter, only to be interrupted by Castiel, who thought he was in distress.

"Balthazar! What's wrong? Are you incapacitated?" He asked, his forehead creased slightly in anxiety.

Balthazar could barely breathe, let alone form a coherent sentence, but he gave it his best. Which was to say, not very much. "It was…*gasp*…a cat…*gasp*…playing a piano!"

"Animals do not play musical instruments. I feel you have been misled to believe this by a highly ignorant human." Replied Castiel cynically.

But not even his friend's lack of humour could smother his buzz, and Balthazar happily guffawed under the critical gaze of Cas, who watched him with something akin to disgust.

Indeed, there were many incidents in which Balthazar felt almost magnetized by a form of human entertainment that didn't involve the majority of a town crowding around a jailhouse to watch a man being hanged. He found comedy in these things, and often felt that if he had been born in his vessel's body, he wouldn't have suffered a terrible life.

Many angels found it revolting that human's main form of amusement was watching other humans get hurt on "the you tube", but he understood this, as well. After all, when Michael got set on fire? Hilarious. When Raphael exploded Cas? He chuckled after Castiel had been brought back to life. When Michael stepped on Lucifer, all those years ago, and humans made sculptures of it? He had to sit down, he was laughing so hard. Michael had scowled at the artistic interpretation, but did comment with something along the lines of, "He shouldn't have been lying down there anyways…"

So yes, Balthazar understood the majority of these comic situations, and why people watched them. The only thing he never understood about their culture, however, was a recreational sport that the youths of the most recent generation were partaking in.

Skateboarding.

In every video he had watched on "the you tube", one of the members of the of this sport often hurt themselves as their friends taped it. They broke multiple bones in their bodies, and then had to go to the hospital, which resulted in casts. Which was perfectly fine to watch, or do if you were an angel that could heal yourself, but to voluntarily injure oneself? Balthazar needed to confront a professional.

"Sam, I require your assistance," Balthazar exclaimed loudly, walking in on a research session in which even Castiel was flipping rapidly through a book.

Everyone in the room jumped, looking up in shock at Balthazar's presence when they didn't have to summon him. "Oh, don't look so surprised," he drawled lazily, "I work more than just on-calls."

"What are you doing here, Balthazar?" asked Dean, his jaw ticking in annoyance.

"It's a good thing that Castiel has no taste, Dean, as I already stated my reason for being here." He said with a smirk, gesturing wildly. "I require Sam's aid."

"Why Sam?" He growled, having shrugged off Balthazar's playful comment.

"Well, I have awfully high expectations, darling, and I'm afraid you can't reach them." He smiled coyly at Sam. "Now chop chop, my small giant, I need you to explain an aspect of human culture to me."

"Human culture?" asked Dean. "I can explain that just as well as he can!"

"Hmm, not so much. Your understanding of culture is quite limited to the seventies, which I find _shocking_ considering the fact you were born after the era."

"All right, all right," said Sam, his hands raised in surrender. "I'm sure I'll be back in five minutes or so, guys."

"Remember to pack your rape whistle, Sam!" Dean said with a cocky smile. "And maybe some pepper spray, too."

But before Sam had the chance to respond with something equally witty, Balthazar grabbed gently on his wrist and pulled him into a whorl of time and space, which lasted only for a half second before Sam found himself staring at what looked to be a skate park in California.

"Why are we here?" asked Sam, looking at the slightly shorter angel with curiosity.

"These particular humans," Balthazar said, waving his hand dismissively towards the group of skateboarders, "perform tricks—or at least, _attempt_ to—on these boards recreationally."

"And?" asked Sam.

"Just…watch." said Balthazar, and sure enough, within Sam's first minute of gazing, a dark haired boy who had spent longer on his hair than he had on his homework flipped off his board gracelessly and smacked his head on the metal railing.

"All that proves, Balthazar, is that emo hair is not a good substitute for a helmet." He said, looking sceptically at the angel.

"But why? Why do they partake in this activity that injures them and often leaves them unsatisfied?"

"Why do we keep summoning you?"

"I'd say that hurt, but you probably can't hear it from all the way up there."

"I wonder what deep fried angel wings taste like?"

"Probably nowhere near as tasty as human thighs."

"I've never eaten angel before."

"Really? I've eaten multiple humans."

Sam looked grossed out.

"What? It was a rough break-up."

"Do you really want to know why humans skateboard, Balthazar?"

"Yes."

"They love the risk, okay? It's all about the risk. It gives them an adrenaline rush. More often than not, these kids feel most alive when they're inches away from death. That's why they don't mind if they get hurt, if they break every bone in their bodies; they feel like they're flying." Sam looks thoughtful, but something akin to a smile twitches on his lips.

"Did you ever skateboard, then?"

"Nah, but I hunted demons."

"Touché."

OoOoO

**READ HERE:**

_Chapter two is doonne! Thanks for the reviews, ladies and anonymous gents, your praise makes my day._

_Special thanks to Aluminumtastesfine who reviewed anonymously, and remusandsnapelover; both their comments made me smile and happy to be back to fanfiction!_

_So…Balthazar or Gabriel for Sam? If Balthazar gets out voted, I'll pair him up with an OMC, because he's hilarious and easy. To write. Not to sleep with. I've tried both, and have found I'm much more successful with the former._

_Thanks!_

_LeahxLeah_


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